*Sunrise of Silence, Victor Nuno, Flickr
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God has no religion.
*Mahatma Gandhi
There is hunger for ordinary bread, and there is hunger for love, for kindness, for thoughtfulness and this is the great poverty that makes people suffer so much.
*Mother Teresa
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*Silence, Ian Sands, Flickr
Prayer emerges from, and leads to, a certain way of knowing which is most difficult to communicate in words. The immediacy of the experience makes communication of it all but impossible. ... In prayer we sit and we are lost before we begin.
*James Finely. merton's place of nowhere.
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If you come here, to this writing, for some logical answer, a clear-contented conclusion to satisfy your inquiring mind, you may find yourself feeling that you wasted time by reading this. You may want to stop, now, and go elsewhere. Or, you may want to stay and subject your mind to a rambling or musing - I leave that to your estimation - on Silence. If you remain here with me, good. Then, let us begin, even if we leave more confused than we came - possibly, that confusion is an act of fidelity to Truth and ourselves, more so than the questions or answers. And, possibly... just possibly, leaving here as confused or more confused is the answer we most deeply seek, together. So, here we go...
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I was asked in a group context of ministry, regarding had I shared all I heard in the Silence thus far. My first response was sensing the question concerned had I shared that in the peer group, for self-divulgence was central to that context.
So, I heard a question posed about Silence, and a good question. I heard it addressed to my mind, a question about something deeper than my mind. I began processing it, it seems at that level of mentality. This, later, appeared ironic, but valid (Silence has no agenda to dispose of or denigrate the gift of mind): processing a query about Silence rationally, in contrast to heartfully, or contemplatively. I was amused to sense many days later, that is exactly the wonderful predicament of integrating the witness of Silence into the experience of community and our own urge to make sense of Life. Holding this tension as a fruitful and faithful tension, I see to be a sign of mature faith.
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First, one thing needs to be clear, or "Silence" is not understood and persons are not speaking of the same thing. When persons initiated into Silence speak of Silence, they speak of both presence and absence. Silence is not absence of sound, as though Silence silences the mind and its ceaseless verbal and imaginistic clutter. Silence is not making the mind stop, as though we could do that, anyway. In the Silence hearing does not mean that we hear only one voice; we hear many voices, much noise. Silence often amplifies the divergent voices and sounds within the psyche. Yet, the power of Silence is a capacity to gather all that to Itself, not in an opposition but an embrace that all belongs. For, again ironically, the absence of Silence-alone is an expression of that Silence.
Silence allows perceptivity to the One Voice arising before all voices, the Word before all words. Silence is, then, not against anything. If so, there would not be Silence, but only futile amplification of inner dividedness, the condition that inspires us to seek Solitude to receive a gift of Wholeness, of Harmony.
The power of Silence is seen in its gentle incisiveness, not in any need to vanquish. Silence is Presence and Action loving, not intimidation and conquering. Silence simply, quietly summons all to Itself, and aligns all with Itself. Silence is the altar that welcomes all, seeing all in Itself, not apart from Itself. Silence is Love, not sentimentalism or tolerance.
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Back to the question posed to me... Over the next weeks I pondered that question, not coming to any specific answer. The question seemed to hang in the air and keep calling me back to itself again and again. I seemed lured by it, from the Silence Itself. Should I? Could I? Could anyone? give an answer, speak that heard in the Silence?
I did sense the question was relevant, for if Silence gives a gift, how is the gift shared with others devoted to a common life, in Grace-filled accountability to one another? Can we receive a gift-of-Grace and keep it to ourselves? Does not every such boon place us in the posture of privileged responsibility to share? Is this sharing not Love loving, and in some way a transcendence of ourselves in the very sharing itself with others? I ask these questions. I do not, here, imply an answer, even if the queries appear rhetorical.
The Silence seemed to have said so much, and almost nothing, if anything. How could I speak out of a Solitude what is "heard" in the Solitude, in which we cannot seem to word what has been heard, so that even "hearing something" appears not to come close to what happened - and happens - in Silence? I sensed more than that we hear something in and from Silence, something happens - there is a happening.
I came to see the response might be not so much trying to share what is heard - or happens - in the Silence. Possibly, I needed to see more clearly why I remain mute so often about the Silence and what is heard within It. Could it be that I talk about Silence and what is heard There, for that is all that is possible: talk about Silence, talk about what we hear from that fecund, ever-revealing Self we often call "God"? And, could it be part of this admission on my part, this muteness, is for the Silence being "God," not an expression or extension of "God," and certainly not merely an inner calm and listening from my own gross or subtle mind?
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I began to reflect on the sacredness of what happens in Silence. I pondered the possibility that sharing what is heard there may be exactly what we most need to be careful of sharing. "Careful" not meaning resistant, but discerning as to what to share and what not to share. I recalled how most often such sharing frustrates persons, simply for what is shared usually makes little sense to the linear, logical mind by which we almost always process data. I cannot tell of the many times persons have looked at me befuddled, during or after I spoke what is to me the most clear, simple answer arising from the Silence (contemplatives know of listening from the Silence within oneself of what arises from the Silence within the other). I myself feel the frustration and futility of trying to frame in words and thought what simply is resistant to such deconstruction of pure inspiration and subtlety. This, to me, is even more than trying to reproduce a painting by Picasso on a billboard and using acrylic paint.
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I am well aware much of my speaking and writing is confusing. To some extent, that is chosen, to some extent not. That is, I intentionally use paradox to reflect more truly that Truth appears just in that way when entering the realm of thought and logical discourse. Truth has a way of saying, "You can be with Me, but I will not let you get Me." I live with that paradox; paradox, then, is a natural way of expression, in continuity with the Voice as I seek faithfully to grapple with It. And, this grappling is first not to get an answer, but to be loyal to the Unspeakable Itself. The grappling, the tension, the confusion is a rite of fidelity to Love.
And, then, there are times and in specific contexts, that I speak simply and with the common linearity of everyday discourse, especially when in ministry to persons in bare emotional and physical need. These persons, most often, have no need for anything but simply being loved and listened to, and spoken to in the most un-paradoxical way. - Why I do not speak and write like this more often, is a matter not within the scope of this writing. Suffice it to say, a devout contemplative cannot merely don the garb of contemplation and be trapped within it, or contemplation has become another technique and mental imprisonment. This fixated manner itself is the denial of the spirit of Contemplation, which is inclusive and fluid, not staid and fixating.
I could conjecture, then, that what I share is not so much content, but the Mystery of Silence Itself. Possibly, that is all I share. And, possibly, even when I am speaking clearly and non-paradoxically, I still am offering only one thing - the baffling and lovely Silence. Possibly, the call of the Contemplative is to embody this, not so much that others will understand what is heard in the Silence or in discourse arising from Silence, but seek themselves what the Silence shares of Itself in the deepest Heart of every being, already, and in every moment, even the most painful moments.
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As I conclude this writing, weary from a blissful and tiring week serving others in the most un-paradoxical way, I could conclude this writing reflects that weary mind and body in its lack of clarity and consistency. Or, that the writing arises from a lucidity more strong for that weariness, and the inconsistency expresses that lucidity. I get the sense I stared with a question, and the question itself may not have been understood by me. I have, nevertheless, gone from it into some fruitful - or unfruitful - ramblings - or musings. Possibly, I have led you farther from the Silence, as from the calm shores to the tempestuous deeps without sight of shoreline for orientation and direction. But, is it that such distance takes us rightly right back into the Silence, as though the distance is essential in our relationship to Silence - the distance being preparatory to receive Silence? If so, I am thankful for leading you farther from Silence. I do not know the answer to these questions. And "I do not know" seems exactly the way musings - or ramblings - on Silence need to end, if not in those exact words, in the spirit and intent of them. So,...
I do not know.
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*The Buddhism, Phyo Min, Flickr
* * * CLOSING BLESSING * * *
Grace and Peace to All
The Sacred in Me bows to the Sacred in You
*You are welcome to contact Brian at briankwilcox@yahoo.com .
The presentations at this site cover a long time period. Each one represents part of an on-going Pilgrimage, and the writer's ideas, practices, and experience have changed over time. This change is the quality of any living Journey. Please read with this in mind, allowing the inner Teacher to speak to you as you need at this particular time in your own living Journey. Thanks!
